You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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