Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
