Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
