I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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