Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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