Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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