I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
