Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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