summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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