Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
