I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
