before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
