So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
