He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
