Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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