textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
