We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
