youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
