Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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