We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
