my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
