Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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