I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
