I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
