A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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