May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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