News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
