oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
