I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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