just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
