Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
