just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
