he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
