left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
