you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
