Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
