The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
