i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
