got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This toilet bowl is my home.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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