Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
