I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
