I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
