you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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