my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
