i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
