Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
