Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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