Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
