How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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