Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
