I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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