That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
