Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
