woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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