is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
