i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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